trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
