I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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