He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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