Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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