I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
