I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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