I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
