I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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