I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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