Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
