You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
