Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
