i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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