i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
