He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
