Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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