Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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