Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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