Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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