No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
