She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
