My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
