The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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