If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
