I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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