I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
