You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
