I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
