And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
