I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
