She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
3 2 1 whiskey
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
