remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
