He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
