just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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