I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize