so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
