Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
