Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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