hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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