maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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