No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
