u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
