i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
They took my balls.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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