did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
