i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize