The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
