i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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