I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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