her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
