What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
