Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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