I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
