My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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