I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
