so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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