He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
