I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
