There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
