Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
