Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
