and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
