Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
