last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize