He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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