new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
