i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My balls are so social today.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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