Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
