my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize