This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
