i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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