FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
