We're facebook friends in real life
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize