I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
