Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
