Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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