Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
