I only kidnapped one of them. chill
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
