you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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