she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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