don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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