the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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