another moral hangover. fuck.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
